The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand (Psalm 37:23-24).
Losing Tony in the way I did is so devastating that it has completely affected my life. All of my life seems to be stuck in limbo. I feel that nothing will be the same and my grief will go on forever. There are so many minutes in one day. When you loss someone so close to you, you may feel that minutes seem like hours and hours seem like days.
This is so true in my case. God says that He will bring us peace in our lives if we just believe and accept that this is true. I have seen God work in my life recently; more than any other time in my life. I know He knows that losing Tony is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. He knows my pain, guilt, and sadness that I suffer with on a daily basis.
Over the past few months, I have been broken to the point, there was nothing else but to pray to Him. I have relied on the Lord in the past and I can now remember how much better my life was at that time. When I let God in to heal my sorrows, I will have peace. Although this is difficult at times to understand and hold on to, I must believe my sorrows can only be healed through God.
I am not going to say that there are not times when believing that my pain will lessen if I have faith in God seems like a dream of sorts. I feel lost in limbo since Tony died and that I was eventually going to wake up and everything will be just like it was on September 20, 2017. But as each day passes, that false reality is vague and unreachable.
God has a way of bringing us out of bondage and then making us remember where we came from. When we experience success and victory, God will remind us that he opened the door of that prison. ~ T.D. Jakes
God will also be there during our successes and will remind us that it was Him who helped in that area as well. God has set me free and wants me to be successful and victorious in my life. He doesn’t want my grief to overwhelm me to the point that I have no success in life. Tony’s time on the planet has ended but mine hasn’t. I could live another 40 years. I can’t let my grief keep me from reaching for my dreams. Tony wouldn’t want that for me and neither does the Lord?
Are you giving into grief? Are you seeking peace? You will find all of this peace if you trust in the Lord and His power, love, acceptance, and love.
Regards,
~ Holley
Grieving Through Loss With God 
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