His Mercy Endures Through God

Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! For his mercy endures forever (Psalm 118:29)

It is a BEAUTIFUL day! Thank you Lord for making it so. Yesterday was one of the hardest days that I have been through since Tony passed. It was the first time that I allowed my feelings about losing my son to the grief he feels about Tony dying. I could not fathom dealing with losing these two amazing people in my life at the same time. The vulnerability that I would have been under would have surely brought the devil right to me full force. I do not begin to comprehend what that temptation could have done to me.

When Tony died so unexpectedly, I was in total shock and disbelief that even today, I still think I am going to wake up soon from the worst nightmare of the life. I would be a liar if I did not admit that I miss Tony so much and want to be with him that I did not think, if only for a second, that I would do just that and take my own life. I am ashamed that I would think that but I do know that the devil was at the heart of that thought.

The devil saw me at the greatest weakness I have ever endured and he sprang into action and tried to convince me that God would understand why I took my own life. He tried to convince me that God may even want me to take my life because God wanted me to be happy so surely if that meant taking the soul that He gave, so be it.

…His mercy endureth for ever. Let the redeemed of the Lord say so… (Psalm 107:1-2 KJV).

What a beautiful testament from God that His mercy forever endureth anything else no matter how tempting that may be!! I just praise Him and thank him for giving me life. I had no right to take what He gave me and Jesus died for! ABSOLUTELY none! I am human and a sinner and admitting that is the first step in me building my relationship with the Lord.

It is with this renewed strength that I woke up today and just want to praise the Lord for giving me life and being here for me whenever I need Him. Better yet, He is with me even when I think I don’t need Him. I do need Him! I need Him in my life to help guide and direct me especially in these hard times. Just as I give thanks to my dad for praying with me that fateful day when my life changed!

Although we may be grieving the loss of a loved one, we need to look to the Lord for help above all else. Even though I may feel that God is punishing me for my sins by Tony dying and my son leaving on the same day 9-21-17, that is just not so! My relationship with the Lord did not start on the day that my dad prayed with me in his driveway as I begin to allow my feelings about losing both Tony and Jacob at the same time.

God’s mercy isn’t good for only one day or week or year; His mercy begins at conception and lasts throughout your lifetime and into the next. ~ T.D. Jakes

This revelation is what I will draw from when thoughts of taking my life enter my head because I am grieving the loss of the two most important people in my life. His mercy endureth for ever! And it is God’s mercy that brought me back from such unimaginable destruction and sin! To take what God gave me is certainly not praising Him. I praise You Lord for giving me life.

Although I may not understand why Tony was taken from me and Jacob leaving and grieving in his own way, I do know that it is not because God isn’t merciful. His plan is loving, not spiteful and hateful. I just need to hold onto that when I feel that God is punishing me for any number of the sins I have committed. I am not to question His plan. I am supposed to love and praise Him through this storm. He is with me and He is with you too through the loss of loved one.