Strength To Stand Through God

Who are you to judge another servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand (Romans 14:4).

I realize that God is there for me ALWAYS. But it is hard to reach for Him in times of needed strength. I personally don’t feel that I deserve His mercy. The guilt I feel over Tony’s passing can be crippling at times. Why would anyone want to help me? I don’t deserve it. Every time I talk to Tony’s mother and she talks of how she will never hear the word “mom” mentioned to her again breaks my heart. I feel that I failed so many people but most of all is Tony.

I would assume that feelings of guilt are a part of the grieving process but let me tell you; it can be so devastating that it can make you crazy. There are so many “layers” to the grieving process and it differs for each person. God says to look for Him for strength. We need to understand that it is Him that will help us but we must call out…. we have to ask for help from Him. He is all powerful and instead of leaning on our devices to help give us strength, we need to look to Him.

This is a hard one for me because of the guilt. There are many times that I want to call to God but then I stop and think “Why should He help me? What good have I done?” but it is not the way He wants us to practice our religion. People who are closer to me and what I go through on a daily basis know my story. Many of them will say “What a coincidence”. It is not a coincidence; it is God working in my life. It is a dreadful time that I come to Him for strength. That is of no matter to Him as He is just glad to have me look to Him. Deep down I know this but guilt is a powerful emotion and one that it hard for me to overcome and stop thinking about.

God brought me through this horrible event in my life this far and I should trust that He will continue. I thank you Lord for helping to bring me through this time in my life. I praise you dear God. God was also the one who was there for me when I finally left my ex-husband. Seventeen years of so many types of abuse I had been beaten down to nothing. God brought me through that too and still helps me with that issue when I need it. I praise God for that too. Without your strength, I don’t know where I would have gotten mine to endure those years or getting out of that situation. God brought me through my early years trying to conceive a child. That was a very emotional time but God brought me through. Without Him, I would not have made through any of these situations. And the best part is that God helps me every day not just during times of crisis. I am now trying just to be still so that I can hear Him, obey Him, follow Him, and receive the strength that He is trying to give me.